Sunday, 13 September 2015 01:22

2015-"Badlands" and Gay Bar Etiquette

This is still my favorite dance bar in San Francisco. The music IS  reliable with vocals rather than that techno crap that drones on at so many gay events in The City or the rap you often have to endure at straight clubs. There are monitors around the dance floor and a video d.j. mixes the vids. I am not an alcohol drinker so can't say much about the drinks. My biggest complaint about Badlands is the same complaint I have had about other gay bars. All of us have our straight women that we love but is it really necessary to bring them to the gay club? It seems to me that a lot of young gay men are terrified of other gay men and it looks like they bring their girls to protect them? I don't pretend to understand the need of some gay men to bring straight women to a gay bar. It FEELS like they are "slumming," -a "zoo" mentality. The girls giggle & squeal at the gay men that were in the bathroom when they went to use it. OMG! Squeal. Giggle. It is really annoying. IF you are a gay man that insists on bringing straight women to a gay bar, I would just like to suggest some etiquette for you to convey to her. These apply to any gay dance bar, not just Badlands:

1. Tell your straight bff to leave her coat at home, in the car or CHECK IT! Do NOT put your coats in the middle of the dance floor. Do not dance in a group around a pile of coats!! 

2. Do not bring a purse to a gay bar! Leave your purse, backpack, luggage or whatever it is that you are carrying, at home or leave it in the car. Someone trying to dance with a big purse under their arm just looks stupid!! (AND then you won't be whining about your cell phone getting stolen out of your purse! BTW, leave your cell in the car or at home too. You don't need it in a gay bar! You only need an ID and cash.)

3. Do not take your drinks onto the dance floor! Yes, you may see gay men bringing their drinks onto the dance floor but they really shouldn't either! Drink the drinks while your chatting with friends. There are little ledges & tables on which you can leave your drinks while dancing. You do not need those drinks with you on the dance floor! If you have a drink in your hand, are you really "dancing" anyway? (Some gay men are highly skilled at drinking on the dance floor but they have been practicing for years. YOU should not do it!!! You will spill it all over the floor and others near you!!)

4. Do not line dance, square dance, swing dance, ballroom dance or any other kind of dancing that entails holding your partners hand & swinging them around the dance floor, knocking over all the other dancers. This is considered sloppy and rude behavior! Contain yourself in your personal space on the dance floor and avoid throwing yourself into other dancers. 

5. No "parking" on the dance floor. You are taking up space from those that actually want to dance. 

6. Don't dance in group circles. It's really obnoxious. 

7. IF you are a straight women & bring your straight bf to the gay bar, you are responsible for him & his behavior!  PLEASE do not feel you have to prove to everyone that your bf is straight by sticking your tongue down his throat. If you want to make out with your straight bf, go to a straight bar or get a room. Look around- Do you see gay men making out in the gay dance bar? Probably not. So why would you think we all want to watch two straight people making out- AND PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, if you MUST have some tongue, at least get off the dance floor!!! 

8. No slow dancing in a gay dance club. Yuck. No "break dancing!" No dancing that entails laying down on the floor. Save all of that for the straight bar, please. 

9. We know how much straight women love coming to gay bars. There is a reason for this- they are GAY bars!! Hello? IF you are a straight woman that likes coming to gay bars, please don't come back by yourself with your straight boyfriend, regardless of how "liberal" he is or a group of your straight women friends! You should consider it a privilege that your "gay" brought you to the gay bar in the first place. You shouldn't think that it is now okay for you to bring all your straight friends to goggle the "gays." We are not there for your amusement. A gay bar should not feel like a zoo. Gay bars are not a place for you to "slum."  There is nothing that ruins a gay bar faster than a lot of straight people! If you love hanging out with straight people, go to the straight bar where you can dance in a group around a pile of coats and purses and spill your drinks all over the dance floor. 

10. Lastly, straight women should not dance like they are a stripper on a pole trying to seduce someone with their hotness. Remember, this is a gay bar! Nobody is interested in how your breasts heave and your ass twerks.  Only gay men can get away with those moves in a gay bar because they look "cute" doing it. Straight women just look desperate. If you need a meat rack atmosphere, go to a straight dance club where all those "sexy" moves will be appreciated!!

Published in Sixties
Tuesday, 14 July 2015 19:46

2005-7. Knee Surgery & Tongue Biopsy

mein90sIn 2005, as almost always in my life, I was going out dancing. At this time, I was going to The White Horse in Berkeley pretty regularly. They had a pretty good dj at the time and decent dance floor. I went about once a week or so and danced by myself as I usually like to do. For me, it is the best way to burn calories. Eventually, I quit going to the White Horse because it seemed to be drawing more of a straight crowd. This is very typical of gay bars. Gay men bring their straight girlfriends. Straight women love to dance in gay bars if they are not looking to get hit on. Then they have such a good time, these straight women decide that they must bring their straight boyfriend to the gay bar so he can see how much fun it is. They think their straight boyfriend is so progressive that he will just fit right in. Maybe they bring a few of their straight girlfriends, too. They they end up behaving as if they are in a straight bar. They are rowdier than the gay people. They giggle about men in the women's bathroom. They pile their purses and coats in the center of the dance floor and then dance around the pile in a group. The straight girl has to prove her boyfriend is straight by making out with him on the dance floor. The straight people always want to take their drinks onto the dance floor to spill them all over the floor. Nobody that is actually into dancing brings their drink onto the dance floor!! Nobody that is actually into dancing, brings a purse to a gay dance club!! Anyone into dancing checks their coats with the coat check or leaves their coat in the car!!! Regardless, when you get too many straight people in a gay bar, the bar loses most of it's charm and becomes like every other straight bar. 

Okay. That's my tirade. Anyone that knows me, has probably heard all this before! It is just the truth. 

Regardless, I had been dancing at the White Horse on a re

whitehorse

gular basis. Back then, I was buying cheaper tennis shoes which didn't have much arch 

support in them. Because of the lack of arch support, I bought some of those inserts you put into the shoe. While dancing, I came down on my left leg and could feel my foot slip with the insert inside the shoe and my knee tweaked. I continued to dance. 

After this night, I started having knee problems in that knee. I got a knee brace and used ice and ibuprofen but the pain persisted. I kept putting off going to the doctor because I just assumed I had done something that would resolve on it's own. Milton and I had plans to visit Europe for three weeks that year. Finally, before the trip, I went to see a doctor and got an MRI and it turned out that I had a torn meniscus. I wouldn't be able to get the surgery until after our trip to Europe!!

menisustearI brought a knee brace with my on our trip and hobbled around Europe the best I could. Milton was very understanding of my need to go back to the room when my knee pain got to bad. 

It must have been October 12th or maybe November 12th when I had my knee surgery at Kaiser in San Francisco. 

Meanwhile, after returning from Europe, I had gone in to have my teeth cleaned and every time I get my teeth cleaned, my dentist comes in and checks my lymph nodes in my neck, my mandibular joint and the tissue inside my mouth. I was shocked and terrified when he pointed out a growth on my tongue!!!

Two days after my knee surgery, Milton drove me to a Sacramento Kaiser to be seen by an oral surgeon. I am not sure why we had to drive all the way to Sacramento except that Kaiser is all about managing health care resources and saving money for Kaiser so this must have been the cheapest option for them. 

When i went in to see the oral surgeon, I overheard him talking to someone in the office about getting out of the office early. Apparently, I was going to be his last patient of the day before he headed out for vacation or something. He was obviously in a hurry. biopsy

He came in and swabbed my tongue with something that didn't affect sensation at all. If it was supposed to numb my tongue, he didn't give it enough time to do so. He got a pair of scissors from his assistant and started cutting on my tongue!! This was one of the most horrific experiences of my life! 

Thankfully, it did turn out that the growth was benign. My knee recovered, too. 

Published in Fifties

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My Mother- Click for more photos.
Photos of Dad & His Family- Click for story.
2005- Darlene Visits for Gay Pride- Click to read story.
My Dad's Family- Click for story.
Click to read "Introduction."
5th Grade in Abilene Tx- Click for story
1973- Psych Tech Program- Click for story.
Darlene Marries Chuck- Click for story.
Forbidden Dreams of Love- Click for story.
Beatle haircut- Click for story.
2005 Darlene Visit for Gay Pride- Click for story.
4th Grade- Click for story.
1970's Promiscuity- Click for story.
Earthquake! Click to read story.
Me in first grade- Click for story.
The Psychedelic Experience- Click to read story.
1967- Summer of Love- Click to read story.
1958-1959- 3rd Grade- Click to read story.
Second Gay Cruise- Click for story.
2015- 2nd Gay Cruise- Click for story.
2015- 2nd Gay Cruise- Click to read story.
1974- On Larkin Street- Click for story.
1982-1993 Waller Street- Click to read story.
2001 Trip to Cancun- Click to read story.
1974- First Trip to Europe- Click to read story.
Amber- Click to read story.
2001 Trip to Cancun- Click to read story.
Cockettes & Angels of Light- Click for story
Gay Disco 70's- Click for story
2014- Road trip to San Diego- Click for story.
Where I was born- Click for story.
Me in my 20's in 1970's- Click for story.
Summer of Love- Click to read story.
1973 "You have to be hurt..." Click to read the story.
Escondido 1960's- Click for story
1964- Luv Please- Click for story.
Palouse- Click for story
Grandview- Click for story
Black Men in Oils- Click to read story
1957-1958 1st Grade- Click to read story.
Women in Oils- Click for story
Me in 3rd grade- Click for story.

Article

01. Introduction

03- Dads Family

03- Photos of my Father and his family

04- My Mother's Family

04- Photos of my Mom

04- Video of my Mom

04- Walling Family Reunions

04-Audio Files of My Mom

04. Billie

04. Ole

04.1. Forbidden Dreams of Love

04.2. Flames of Forbidden Love

04.3 Mom Writing Her Life Story

05- Jim Tarbert

05. Roger

1950's Grandview to Toppenish

1957-1958 1st Grade

1958-1959- Third Grade

1959- Palouse

1961- 4th Grade- Last time I wore a dress

1962- Abilene

1963- Escondido- Early 60's

1964- Darlene Marries Chuck

1964- My Beatle Haircut

1964-The Luv Please

1965 or 1966- Steve Castle

1965- In Foster Care

1966 Living with Darlene & Chuck in Seattle

1967- Juvenile Hall

1976- I Praise Thee (poem to Stanley)

1976- My Second Lover, Stanley Dunne

1976- Paul McCartney and Wings

1976-1330 Bush Street #9J

1977- 1667 Haight Street

1977- Trip to San Diego with Mary Jo

1977-1980- Tumultuous Relationship with John Perry

1978- 525 Haight Street

1979- September- Dad is Murdered

1980's- AIDS- Death and Dying

1980- Winter- First Trip to New York

1980- Word, Sound and Power

1981- Milton- Falling in Love

1982-1993 465 Waller Street

1982-1994 Computers to MacNursing

1984- 33rd Birthday

1985- Graduation from Nursing School

1985- Trip to Hawaii (Oahu)

1988- MIdnight Caller

1989- Earthquake!

1991- Aug 10th- Mom Passes Away

1991- Black Males in Oils

1991- Crack of My Life

1993- Move to Vallejo & Our First Home

1995-1. Road Trip to Washington

1995-2. Surprise Trip to Vegas

1995-3. Grandmother Rogers & Aunts Visit Darlene's

1995-4. Amber

1998- Camping at Russian River

2000 -Thoughts about Progressive Christians

2000- Resignation from John George

2001- April- Trip to Cancun

2001- Peace and Justice

2001- September 11th

2002- April-Puerto Vallarta & Blue Bay Getaway

2002- Nov 12th- My Stepfather, George McHenry Passes Away

2003- Trip to D.C. and N.Y.

2004- Feb- Road Trip to Baha Mexico

2004- Walling Family Reunion in Spokane

2005- Christmas Poem

2005- Darlene Visit for Pride Celebration

2005- Trip to Orlando

2005-1. Europe- London

2005-2. Europe- Paris

2005-3. Europe- Venice

2005-4. Europe- Florence

2005-5. Europe- Rome

2005-6. Europe- Athens

2005-7. Knee Surgery & Tongue Biopsy

2006 Christmas Poem

2006- February 23- Times Herald

2006- Palm Springs White Party

2006- Trip to Seattle

2006-July 8th Solano Peace and Justice Coalition BBQ

2007- Feb- Carnival Destiny- Our First Cruise

2007- Tre and Casey Visit

2008- Aug 15-18 Spokane Visit

2008- Psycho Song

2009- Honored by Vallejo Gay Network

2009- Women in Oils

2010 Christmas Poem

2010- Feb. R.C. Mariner of the Seas Mexican Riviera Cruise

2010- June 24- Badlands

2010- Trip to Seattle

2010-1. Europe- Amsterdam

2010-2. Europe- Paris

2010-3. Europe- Barcelona & Sitges

2010-4. Europe- Madrid

2011-1. Feb. My Fabulous 60th Birthday Weekend

2011-2. April- L.A., Palm Springs & "The White Party"

2011-3. Poem- Girl From Medical Lake

2011-4. Old Man Dancing

2011-5. May- Misty and Alex Visit

2011-6. August- Darlene and Sean's Visit

2011-7. Alex 16-18 & Pics

2012- March- Carnival Splendor Mexican Riviera with Family

2013- Wedding

2014- Christmas Poem

2014- First Gay Cruise

2014- September Road Trip to San Diego

2015- Seasonal Affective Blues

2015- Second Gay Cruise

2015- War on Christmas poem

2015-"Badlands" and Gay Bar Etiquette

2015-September 8. Political History

2016 Do Not Speak for Gay Males

2016- April- Palm Springs RV Adventure

4/4/2016- Not Going Along to Get Along

9/4/15- Liberals vs Conservatives

Me in first grade- Click for story.
1973 "You have to be hurt..." Click to read the story.
Second Gay Cruise- Click for story.
My Mother- Click for more photos.
My Dad's Family- Click for story.
1958-1959- 3rd Grade- Click to read story.
2001 Trip to Cancun- Click to read story.
Grandview- Click for story
2015- 2nd Gay Cruise- Click for story.
Earthquake! Click to read story.
Summer of Love- Click to read story.
Gay Disco 70's- Click for story
1967- Summer of Love- Click to read story.
The Psychedelic Experience- Click to read story.
2005 Darlene Visit for Gay Pride- Click for story.
Darlene Marries Chuck- Click for story.
Me in my 20's in 1970's- Click for story.
5th Grade in Abilene Tx- Click for story
2005- Darlene Visits for Gay Pride- Click to read story.
Forbidden Dreams of Love- Click for story.
Beatle haircut- Click for story.
1974- On Larkin Street- Click for story.
2014- Road trip to San Diego- Click for story.
Escondido 1960's- Click for story
Amber- Click to read story.
Palouse- Click for story
1970's Promiscuity- Click for story.
Cockettes & Angels of Light- Click for story
Click to read "Introduction."
Women in Oils- Click for story
1957-1958 1st Grade- Click to read story.
2001 Trip to Cancun- Click to read story.
1964- Luv Please- Click for story.
Black Men in Oils- Click to read story
Photos of Dad & His Family- Click for story.
1982-1993 Waller Street- Click to read story.
1974- First Trip to Europe- Click to read story.
2015- 2nd Gay Cruise- Click to read story.
4th Grade- Click for story.
1973- Psych Tech Program- Click for story.
Me in 3rd grade- Click for story.
Where I was born- Click for story.