Wednesday, 22 April 2015 17:52

05- Jim Tarbert

Jimandme

It seems like there was a crises one time when we were living in Escondido, when Jim's wife, Danise, came to visit. She had just had their second daughter, Deanna, and their first daughter, Kathy, was a toddler. Gail was visting at the time too. Maybe this was around the same time that Darlene had got married but I am not sure of that. I just dont' remember many of the details. I think that it is possible that it might have been around the time that Jim got a new job somewhere and it was a matter of relocation? I don't think that Deanna and the kids stayed with us very long. 

As I think more about this and talk to others, I think the only crises was that Jim had gotten a new job somewhere and everyone seemed to think that he needed to go there by himself of something to get settled before sending for Danise and the girls.

I barely remember Jim being in the military and serving in Korea. I remember a beautiful jewelry box that he brought Darlene. I barely remember him becoming involved with Danise. I think it might have been between getting out of the military and going to school in Pullman, Washington. I seem to remember visiting them there briefly from Palouse. 

Jim certainly rescued me a few times when he and Danise lived in Hayward California and I came for The Summer of Love in 1967 and I was only 16. He picked me up from the airport when I returned from Europe in my early twenties and only had a dollar in my pocket. There were several times that he was there for me when I was young. 

Jim was part of what is called "The Silent Generation," while Darlene, Roger and I were "Baby Boomers." In my mind, The Silent Generation was defined by conservative conformity, authoritarianism, and paternalism, while Baby Boomers were non-conformist protestors throwing off the shackles of paternalism. Jim was always more conservative than Darlene, Roger and I and even my mom, who voted Republican. 

Jim was much closer to our cousins in the Moore families. They were also part of The Silent Generation and many were very far to the right, politically. Some were also religious fundamentalists. They believed communists were everywhere and that there was a communist plot or conspiracy to take over the government. Some belonged to the John Birch Society. 

Jim's politics didn't really make much difference most of our lives. As I have said before, my own Mother was a Republican. There actually was a time that Republicans in this country and Democrats could actually have conversations that didn't end in name calling. After the eighties, and the Ronald Reagan debacle, Republicans moved further and further to the right and became less compromising and less reasonable and much more shrill, blatantly racist, misogynistic and homophobic. Many in the Republican Party started to take pride in being anti-government altogether and anti-democracy. Some even seemed to want a theocracy. 

When we were young, I never realized how much Jim disliked my Mother. He rarely said anything negative about her when we were kids but as he got older, he seemed to become more bitter toward her. She was hurt by this and I never really understood why he felt the way he did. Possibly he resented her for not staying married to his father, Lee Tarbert. My understanding was that Lee was kind of a back woods kind of guy and my Mom wanted more out of life. I believe that she married Lee for the same reason that so many women get married- to get away from her parents and the hard live she had lived with them. I don't know this for sure but it is the impression I get from things my Mother said and things others have said. 

Even though my Mother was a Republican, she was a reasonable women and she tried to be logical. In many ways, she taught Darlene, Roger and I what might be called "liberal values." Even though my Mom had grown up with racists in her generation, she taught her children not to be racists. She would always stress the importance of "critical thinking." She hated fundamentalist preachers and fundamentalist religion. She believed in science. Some of these positions alienated her from her more far right wing relatives and possibly Jim resented some of her positions as well. 

For whatever reason only known to Jim, when my Mother was on her death bed, requesting to see him, he refused to come. Where he had been there for me earlier in my life, at that most critical time, he was not there for Darlene, Roger, or me. I had always thought that he respected my Mother's husband, George, but he wasn't there for George, either. I finally realized, as my Mother was dying, just how much Jim disliked my Mother. 

After my Mother died, the handwritten will in which she divided her estate equally between Jim, Darlene, Roger and I, was dismissed for some flimsy legality. Instead, a more formal will that had been written in a time of crises at least ten years previously was used. When that will was written, Darlene had many problems and was having much difficulty raising her kids, Chris, Misty and Rocky. She was barely getting by. Mom was having gallbladder surgery and so wrote a will that would protect Chris, Misty and Rocky in case something happened to her. Of course, Jim's kids Kathi and Deanna had always had a stable, secure life so there was no need for Mom to have to worry about what would happen to them. Jim was a good provider.

Jim became more vitriolic toward my Mother after she had passed away. I don't remember that he even attended her funeral. I think that Danise and the kids were there but I don't remember Jim. When I did see him again, he had taken the incident of the old will out of context and had apparently told his girls that my Mother didn't love them as much as she loved Darlene's kids. This was ridiculous and a hateful thing to do to his own kids but Jim had become quite a curmudgeon in his old age.

In later life, after Jim had moved back to Washington from Hayward, we tried to have some email conversations but by that time, Jim had become more hardened in his political positions and could not handle anyone that didn't agree with everything he said. I was amused by some of his far right positions but he had no sense of humor by this time. When he couldn't make a convincing argument, like many on the far right, he would just resort to name calling. He called me a "socialist," told me off and then quit responding to my emails altogether. 

After this, Jim seemed to become more of a religious fundamentalist. Maybe he had become fearful of his own impending demise by this time. He worshiped an angry, wrathful God. He just seemed so full of hate in his old age. I never saw him again after that. 

I know my Mother loved him until the day she died and loved his girls, Kathi and Deanna. It is sad that they were convinced otherwise. 

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2005- Darlene Visits for Gay Pride- Click to read story.
1973- Psych Tech Program- Click for story.
Where I was born- Click for story.
1957-1958 1st Grade- Click to read story.
Summer of Love- Click to read story.
2005 Darlene Visit for Gay Pride- Click for story.
Click to read "Introduction."
Forbidden Dreams of Love- Click for story.
1974- On Larkin Street- Click for story.
Me in first grade- Click for story.
Palouse- Click for story
2001 Trip to Cancun- Click to read story.
Beatle haircut- Click for story.
5th Grade in Abilene Tx- Click for story
1964- Luv Please- Click for story.
2015- 2nd Gay Cruise- Click for story.
Earthquake! Click to read story.
1970's Promiscuity- Click for story.
Cockettes & Angels of Light- Click for story
2001 Trip to Cancun- Click to read story.
Photos of Dad & His Family- Click for story.
1974- First Trip to Europe- Click to read story.
My Mother- Click for more photos.
Grandview- Click for story
Darlene Marries Chuck- Click for story.
2015- 2nd Gay Cruise- Click to read story.
Gay Disco 70's- Click for story
Me in 3rd grade- Click for story.
Black Men in Oils- Click to read story
My Dad's Family- Click for story.
1973 "You have to be hurt..." Click to read the story.
The Psychedelic Experience- Click to read story.
Escondido 1960's- Click for story
1967- Summer of Love- Click to read story.
Me in my 20's in 1970's- Click for story.
Second Gay Cruise- Click for story.
1982-1993 Waller Street- Click to read story.
2014- Road trip to San Diego- Click for story.
4th Grade- Click for story.
1958-1959- 3rd Grade- Click to read story.
Women in Oils- Click for story
Amber- Click to read story.

Article

01. Introduction

03- Dads Family

03- Photos of my Father and his family

04- My Mother's Family

04- Photos of my Mom

04- Video of my Mom

04- Walling Family Reunions

04-Audio Files of My Mom

04. Billie

04. Ole

04.1. Forbidden Dreams of Love

04.2. Flames of Forbidden Love

04.3 Mom Writing Her Life Story

05- Jim Tarbert

05. Roger

1950's Grandview to Toppenish

1957-1958 1st Grade

1958-1959- Third Grade

1959- Palouse

1961- 4th Grade- Last time I wore a dress

1962- Abilene

1963- Escondido- Early 60's

1964- Darlene Marries Chuck

1964- My Beatle Haircut

1964-The Luv Please

1965 or 1966- Steve Castle

1965- In Foster Care

1966 Living with Darlene & Chuck in Seattle

1967- Juvenile Hall

1976- I Praise Thee (poem to Stanley)

1976- My Second Lover, Stanley Dunne

1976- Paul McCartney and Wings

1976-1330 Bush Street #9J

1977- 1667 Haight Street

1977- Trip to San Diego with Mary Jo

1977-1980- Tumultuous Relationship with John Perry

1978- 525 Haight Street

1979- September- Dad is Murdered

1980's- AIDS- Death and Dying

1980- Winter- First Trip to New York

1980- Word, Sound and Power

1981- Milton- Falling in Love

1982-1993 465 Waller Street

1982-1994 Computers to MacNursing

1984- 33rd Birthday

1985- Graduation from Nursing School

1985- Trip to Hawaii (Oahu)

1988- MIdnight Caller

1989- Earthquake!

1991- Aug 10th- Mom Passes Away

1991- Black Males in Oils

1991- Crack of My Life

1993- Move to Vallejo & Our First Home

1995-1. Road Trip to Washington

1995-2. Surprise Trip to Vegas

1995-3. Grandmother Rogers & Aunts Visit Darlene's

1995-4. Amber

1998- Camping at Russian River

2000 -Thoughts about Progressive Christians

2000- Resignation from John George

2001- April- Trip to Cancun

2001- Peace and Justice

2001- September 11th

2002- April-Puerto Vallarta & Blue Bay Getaway

2002- Nov 12th- My Stepfather, George McHenry Passes Away

2003- Trip to D.C. and N.Y.

2004- Feb- Road Trip to Baha Mexico

2004- Walling Family Reunion in Spokane

2005- Christmas Poem

2005- Darlene Visit for Pride Celebration

2005- Trip to Orlando

2005-1. Europe- London

2005-2. Europe- Paris

2005-3. Europe- Venice

2005-4. Europe- Florence

2005-5. Europe- Rome

2005-6. Europe- Athens

2005-7. Knee Surgery & Tongue Biopsy

2006 Christmas Poem

2006- February 23- Times Herald

2006- Palm Springs White Party

2006- Trip to Seattle

2006-July 8th Solano Peace and Justice Coalition BBQ

2007- Feb- Carnival Destiny- Our First Cruise

2007- Tre and Casey Visit

2008- Aug 15-18 Spokane Visit

2008- Psycho Song

2009- Honored by Vallejo Gay Network

2009- Women in Oils

2010 Christmas Poem

2010- Feb. R.C. Mariner of the Seas Mexican Riviera Cruise

2010- June 24- Badlands

2010- Trip to Seattle

2010-1. Europe- Amsterdam

2010-2. Europe- Paris

2010-3. Europe- Barcelona & Sitges

2010-4. Europe- Madrid

2011-1. Feb. My Fabulous 60th Birthday Weekend

2011-2. April- L.A., Palm Springs & "The White Party"

2011-3. Poem- Girl From Medical Lake

2011-4. Old Man Dancing

2011-5. May- Misty and Alex Visit

2011-6. August- Darlene and Sean's Visit

2011-7. Alex 16-18 & Pics

2012- March- Carnival Splendor Mexican Riviera with Family

2013- Wedding

2014- Christmas Poem

2014- First Gay Cruise

2014- September Road Trip to San Diego

2015- Seasonal Affective Blues

2015- Second Gay Cruise

2015- War on Christmas poem

2015-"Badlands" and Gay Bar Etiquette

2015-September 8. Political History

2016 Do Not Speak for Gay Males

2016- April- Palm Springs RV Adventure

4/4/2016- Not Going Along to Get Along

9/4/15- Liberals vs Conservatives

Me in first grade- Click for story.
Summer of Love- Click to read story.
Women in Oils- Click for story
Forbidden Dreams of Love- Click for story.
Palouse- Click for story
2015- 2nd Gay Cruise- Click to read story.
2001 Trip to Cancun- Click to read story.
Amber- Click to read story.
The Psychedelic Experience- Click to read story.
2014- Road trip to San Diego- Click for story.
1970's Promiscuity- Click for story.
Earthquake! Click to read story.
1974- First Trip to Europe- Click to read story.
2001 Trip to Cancun- Click to read story.
1973 "You have to be hurt..." Click to read the story.
2015- 2nd Gay Cruise- Click for story.
Darlene Marries Chuck- Click for story.
2005 Darlene Visit for Gay Pride- Click for story.
Me in 3rd grade- Click for story.
Photos of Dad & His Family- Click for story.
Black Men in Oils- Click to read story
Second Gay Cruise- Click for story.
Escondido 1960's- Click for story
1974- On Larkin Street- Click for story.
Grandview- Click for story
Cockettes & Angels of Light- Click for story
1973- Psych Tech Program- Click for story.
2005- Darlene Visits for Gay Pride- Click to read story.
1964- Luv Please- Click for story.
5th Grade in Abilene Tx- Click for story
1982-1993 Waller Street- Click to read story.
1967- Summer of Love- Click to read story.
Beatle haircut- Click for story.
Where I was born- Click for story.
My Mother- Click for more photos.
Click to read "Introduction."
Me in my 20's in 1970's- Click for story.
My Dad's Family- Click for story.
Gay Disco 70's- Click for story
1958-1959- 3rd Grade- Click to read story.
1957-1958 1st Grade- Click to read story.
4th Grade- Click for story.